What Im up to

Went home to visit my parents yeesterday. not as much of a dissapointment as I eexpected,they were cool, My dad painted my room YELLOW! I hate yellow its too bright for me but instead of telling him I bit my bloody tongue and thank him after all repainting is too much of a hassle and plus he wanted to do something nice for me by supprising me so I might as well deal with, on account of the repainting I am had to do a little redecorating in my room Im thinking of putting up some posters that might be nice.lol. Came home and us Vampires stayed up all night jaming to raggae music,watching movies,and wathching tv.at the same time it was kinnda of weird but we had fun were vampires after all. I am working on my first novel ever and its making me its making me miss my cousin more she's the author in the family and my bestest friend. yup this chick is almost as crazy as me.lol. I can't believe I am forced to go back to public school in a month I miss those home school days public school is a waste of time on ignorant children especially my school!
The 4 vampires are sleeping so Im alone, I think I like better that way, the silence helps me think, but on the other hand sometimes my mind drives me crazy. I am drowning myself in my never ending thoughts,beliefs,and hopes.Right now my mother's on my mind its killing me how much I miss her right now,I wonder how she would feel if she had been with me those nights at the hospital I wonder what she would tell me In my mind she betrayed she left me all alone in the world I NEEDED a mother in my life but did she care about me? No she cared more about her freedom so she did what she tought was best for me and now I talk way less than I should and I haven't seen her in years,If this is what she tought was best for me she was dead wrong,I feel like Im in hell I hope this was worth her freedom. And I blame him for agreeing to do it,for listening to her, I was only 7 1/2 years old did they really think my heart could endure so much heartbreake, I blame them for everything. Half of the time
I cut is because of all the heartbrake they have managed to put me through. Don't get me wrong Im not playing the victim every slice of flesh on my skin was caused by me every ounce of blood I produced by me,every perfect stich was personally sown with my hands and I am not making any excuses for that But why did it have to be so easy to do, why all the temptation.

Writer

Why did I create a blog? This blog is my realease from my life once I write my anger,pain,discomfort,love,and happiness I will feel better. I have always loved wrting and have used to keep me sane. Im the type of girl, I don't cry easily and I keep to myself always but Im secretly dying on the inside.I have the ability to change my mood with just one simple tought, and I can see people who are fake from a mile away. I hate people who think they know everything i don't know everything and Am always willing to learn. My thery in life is we don't know who we truly are and what we have and will become until we reach our last minute living. I believe in a lot of religions and believe people should be judge by their religion.As for sexuality iI consider myself Bi-curious cause I cannot honestly say Im sure that Im straight,gay,or bisexual. Life for me is not the worst it could but I must say its not normal. Im not normal and have absolutely no intentions in becoming normal. If you don't like me than that's your problem not mine,and if life's gonna be a B then I might as well be one too. Am I suicidal? I don't know Im not gonna lie I have had suicidal thought before for many reason but clearly hasnt done it yet. Growing with anemia,brochi,and infectious Ive always had to deal with pain, When I cut I dont always have suicidal thought accuring in my head sometimes its just a feeling to make me feel human or shock me back to life. Fear, I have too many fears in life My fears in life are not of horror movies or animals, But of the voices in my mind, life,and time. The voices in my mind, The voices in my mind are what make me craziest they are the ones that tell me to The worst part of life the ones that remind Im not like everybody else and I cannot do anything I want. Life, We are here to only eat one life so have have to make the best of it and live it to the fullest that has always given me the fear of letting life past you by.Time, time has the ability to control our surroudings,our actions,reactions,and perceptions, Its fearful how one substance one minoe property of life can control us so. Its my time to go and I leave you with this in mind think of it well and consider its meanings and dont be shy to let me know your way of seeing it.