What Im up to

Went home to visit my parents yeesterday. not as much of a dissapointment as I eexpected,they were cool, My dad painted my room YELLOW! I hate yellow its too bright for me but instead of telling him I bit my bloody tongue and thank him after all repainting is too much of a hassle and plus he wanted to do something nice for me by supprising me so I might as well deal with, on account of the repainting I am had to do a little redecorating in my room Im thinking of putting up some posters that might be nice.lol. Came home and us Vampires stayed up all night jaming to raggae music,watching movies,and wathching tv.at the same time it was kinnda of weird but we had fun were vampires after all. I am working on my first novel ever and its making me its making me miss my cousin more she's the author in the family and my bestest friend. yup this chick is almost as crazy as me.lol. I can't believe I am forced to go back to public school in a month I miss those home school days public school is a waste of time on ignorant children especially my school!
The 4 vampires are sleeping so Im alone, I think I like better that way, the silence helps me think, but on the other hand sometimes my mind drives me crazy. I am drowning myself in my never ending thoughts,beliefs,and hopes.Right now my mother's on my mind its killing me how much I miss her right now,I wonder how she would feel if she had been with me those nights at the hospital I wonder what she would tell me In my mind she betrayed she left me all alone in the world I NEEDED a mother in my life but did she care about me? No she cared more about her freedom so she did what she tought was best for me and now I talk way less than I should and I haven't seen her in years,If this is what she tought was best for me she was dead wrong,I feel like Im in hell I hope this was worth her freedom. And I blame him for agreeing to do it,for listening to her, I was only 7 1/2 years old did they really think my heart could endure so much heartbreake, I blame them for everything. Half of the time
I cut is because of all the heartbrake they have managed to put me through. Don't get me wrong Im not playing the victim every slice of flesh on my skin was caused by me every ounce of blood I produced by me,every perfect stich was personally sown with my hands and I am not making any excuses for that But why did it have to be so easy to do, why all the temptation.